Confessions of a Twenty Something fuckup.
Life’s been shit recently so here’s to me venting about it and just trying to go about my twenties.
They say being in your twenties is supposed to be some of the best years of your youth. Well I’m here to tell you that’s not entirely true…well for me at least. See the thing is my twenties have been the most lonely I’ve ever felt and it may be due to my lack of social life or maybe because my priorities are different to those my age so I now feel isolated out of my own age group. Anyways here’s just some ramblings of a very lonely and confused twenty something.
Let’s start with the social aspect of my life or rather my non existent social life. As someone who is not only a university student doing their Master’s degree but, also working part time in retail I feel as if I have no time left for a social life. I’m constantly drained after work and just what to crash and on my days where I’m not at work for long hours, I’m having to focus on uni and doing uni work which at the moment consists of my dissertation so, I really have no free time at all. If anything the only aspect of a social life I do have is meeting up with a friend for coffee after work and that’s the bare minimum.
If I’m being completely honest, I also no longer have the energy to be constantly meeting up with people and having a social life either. I just feel constantly run down and have so much anxiety about seeing people in person that to me it doesn’t seem worth the effort even but, then again maybe that’s why I constantly feel lonely because I’m not making and effort and eventually everyone gives up on you. Even the very few friends I have now, I feel as if they will all eventually leave me too when they realise how fucked up I really am.
Even with university and my degree I feel so drained because I feel as if I’m not good enough in comparison to my peers and it makes me want to work harder to reach my academic goals but in doing so I’m also constantly run down. It’s a reoccurring problem and then when I get a bad grade on an assignment or get stressed my dissertation isn’t good enough I push myself harder and get run down again and it’s a constant endless vicious cycle.
Anyways, that’s just some food for thought now and thanks for reading my ramblings.
Lots of love,
Raags x